17/08/2014 // 00:46

I think it’s time to let things go.

The past few days have been an emotional roller coaster. From feeling ecstatic to happy and then to confusion and sadness.

Considering as I’ve got less than a month left until I move miles away from home, I came to a realisation.

Throughout the whole time I’ve lived here I’ve not had the best nor have I had the worst time. I’m saying that because I carry around so much baggage. Anything that people ever said or did to hurt me - intentionally or not - has weighed me down for the past couple of years. It’s gotten to the point where I’m exhausted, I need to let it go.

It’s time to stop thinking about what they did and then stop thinking about them altogether.

What right do those people have to deprive me of my freedom and happiness?

I know the only way I can do that is to forgive them. I’m working on that but forgiveness is a decision and I will do that on my own pace.

I cannot allow this bitterness of previous experiences determine my perspective of people I have yet to meet. I cannot dedicate myself to a new friendship or a relationship with this bitterness and fear that they will do what other people have previously done to me. Nobody is ever the same. Why allow them to determine my future with other people? So I just need to let it go.

It’s not necessarily me being too nice, my judgement of people that have mistreated me in the past will remain tainted. But I will no longer allow them to affect me.

I’ve always been cold towards the people I cut out of my life. I thought that cutting people out of your life involved a lot of anger and hatred; being a cold hearted bitch basically. Now? It dawned on me that it meant letting whatever they did go, letting them go. Learning from them and not ever treating other people the way they treated me.

No more negative energy.

I want to leave the place I was raised feeling settled and content. No more unnecessary baggage full of bitterness and hurt, not any more.

"   Sometimes you end up never speaking to someone who meant the world to you again. And that’s okay. You cope and you survive. Don’t let your losses keep you back from new gains.   "

"   You were red. You liked me cause I was blue. You touched me and suddenly I was a lilac sky and you decided purple just wasn’t for you.   "